Knowing a student you care about is experiencing ongoing trauma is upsetting, and steps towards healing can be small. I've been doing some reading and reflecting about how to help, and have come across some useful perspectives and resources.
While I definitely don't have all the answers, I have learned a few things over the past while:
1. Trauma responses are not the same as "poor choices" or "bad behaviour."
Kristin Souers and Pete Hall say it well in their book Fostering Resilient Learners- they argue that the observable negative behaviours of a child experiencing trauma are "not an intentional attempt to hurt others; rather, it is the best tool they've got to manage the intensity of their reality" (p. 56). Souers and Hall go on to say that "these children aren't seeking attention (even though they will settle for it). They are looking for a safe and trustworthy relationship (connection)" (p.93)
Ross Greene describes this as "lagging skills." If we begin from a premise of "this child can't" as opposed to "this child won't," it shifts the whole conversation.
2. What we say and do matters. A lot.
Think about frog ponds. If environmentalists are concerned because the frogs in a pond are sick, and are not doing "frog things," we don't start by trying to fix the frogs. We start by looking at what is going on with the pond. If we are going to support a child who has experienced significant trauma, we need to look at the environment surrounding this learner. The school environment is the only one we have control over. Traumatized children need to be surrounded by safety, empathy, and predictable structures. They need to know we care and are in their corner, before any other strategies will work.3. Traumatized children need us to model healthy ways to respond.
I've tried my hand at an infographic illustrating some of Souers' and Hall's suggestions.
4. It's not about me. (But it can feel like it sometimes).
It's sometimes very challenging to move from a place where we're considering the "triggers" and "consequences," to a lens of empathy and support for some difficulties that are beyond the student's control. It's hard not to take it personally when you feel like a target.
Using a structured approach to communication and resolution can help.
5. I'm not a counselor, but I know lots of smart people who are.
We've all heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." It really does. Where situations are layered and ongoing, our best way forward is together. The situations that have had the best results have involved school and community partners working together, Integrated Case Management meetings where we put our heads together, and share what we know. Going it alone is too tough, and someone with expertise in trauma informed practice is needed to create sustainable, proactive support structures. After all, They're All Our Kids.
