Year of Yes – My New Year’s Resolution

I love it when I read something that leaves me with a phrase or idea, or new bit of motivation to shift things from the way I’ve always done them.

This fall, that book for me was Year of Yes.  It’s written by Shonda Rhimes, who is the writer for a number of TV shows, including Grey’s Anatomy.  That’s actually why I picked it up. I didn’t grab it as a professional resource.  I grabbed it with the notion that something biographical might be a good distraction from the fluff novels I’d been unwinding with at the end of the day.  Over the past few months "Year of Yes" has become a bit of a mantra for me, as I approach situations or opportunities that I might otherwise find intimidating.  It's my self-talk for mustering the bit of courage I need to dive in.

Shonda embarked on a Year of Yes to get out of a rut.  She noticed that she wasn’t embracing life the way she wanted to, and she didn’t want to miss out on things because of her reluctance or fear of engaging with them.  She promised herself that for a whole year, she would say YES to anything that scared her, made her nervous, or she had never tried before, when asked.  The results were transformative.

The first time I announced "Year of Yes" out loud, I somehow found myself harnessed into rock climbing gear and learning to do single rope technique from a bit of rope that had been suspended from a log platform by a bunch of scouts.  The kids had created  their own climbing course by lashing pallets to wooden staves they’d attached about 20 feet up between a couple of trees.  Prior to that day,  I'd declined other opportunities to leave the ground, usually by sharing the story about the time I passed out when I looked back while ascending a climbing wall.  Maybe it was my assertive declaration.  Maybe it was my own children's looks of disbelief at the suggestion I might actually try it.  Maybe it was the encouragement of another scouter who was pretty sure I was good for it.  Whatever it was, that was the moment that my Year of Yes took hold.

Rhimes' story has continued to resonate with me as I’ve tackled some things professionally this fall, too.  While the book contains many more ways that Shonda says Yes, there are a few which I feel are particularly helpful for me in my life as an educator. 

1.  Yes to things that scare her and make her nervous.

I’m terrible at networking.  I have no idea how to “work a room” when I’m in with a bunch of people I don’t know, or when I enter a new environment,  I head to the first familiar person I see and stay put.  For my Year of Yes, I am going to approach AT LEAST one new person every time I find myself in this situation, and do my best to stay in the conversation long enough to learn one thing about them that I didn’t know when I walked into the room.  My husband is great at this.  People around him are at ease because he is at ease.  It’s a quality I have huge respect and admiration for. 

2.  Yes to playing with her children.

Shonda was talking about her kids at home.  I’m working on connecting with the teenagers at my house more often too, but at work, I’m translating this into really connecting and interacting with students.  When I was in a school-based role, this was easier-  although it was still pretty easy to get caught up in the busy of the day and not take time to breathe, and play, with the students.  It’s even harder now that I’m in an itinerant role.

I had the benefit of spending the day at False Bay School on Lasqueti Island just before Christmas.  They were working on their Christmas production, and the student I was there to see wasn’t too fussed about giving up his time to do an assessment with me, so I ended up spending the day getting to know him a little, enjoying the rehearsal for Annie, making plasticine cakes with some grade fours, crouching down with some primary students to observe a heron across the field at lunch.  I was embraced by this community of learners who hardly knew me, and am super excited to be going back to spend another day with them in the new year.  I’m also confident that the assessment will come off without a hitch when I head back next time.  I know a whole bunch about this little guy that I had no idea about on my way to the school that morning.  Playing with these learners helped me get to know them, and to contribute to their learning, even when I was there for only one day.


3.  Yes to being (more) open and honest in difficult conversations.

For me, this takes the most courage of all.  It’s a conversation that we’ve had as a team of administrators many times.  It is so difficult to approach other professionals and ask challenging questions about their interactions with others, or about their approach to instructional practice in their classrooms.   I work really hard to stay focused on the needs of learners, and to facilitate open conversation as much as I can, but I also know there are times when I “shelve” some of the conversation I’d intended to have out of concern about the listener’s response.  I also know that I occasionally minimize the depth of concern or frustration I am feeling over something for the same reason.  I would like to practice being clear and direct, and trying harder to fully say what needs to be said, more often.  I know I have good relationships with my colleagues, and I know that when I have taken the plunge, I’ve generally been pleased with the outcome.  My experience has been that the best approach is to seek a common goal (which in my context is usually what is best for the kids).    During my Year of Yes, I want to be more courageous about taking this on, without losing a night or two of sleep over it first…

4.  Yes to saying no. (Guilt free).
With the help of her children, Shonda found three ways to say no.  1. No.  2. That's not going to work for me.  3. I'm going to be unable to do that.

I simply need to learn how to sit on my hands.  I am a joiner.  A committee joiner.  A conversation joiner.  A project joiner.  I love to be in the thick of things.  It’s how I learn best.  It’s not, however, how I listen best.  Volunteering for everything under the sun doesn’t give you enough time to do the first three things I’ve chosen for this Year of Yes.  If I’m going to network more effectively,  learn from others in new situations, take time to connect with students and learn from them as I watch them play and engage with learning, and be thoughtful and courageous in difficult conversations, I’m going to have to ensure I create some time and space for this work.  Shonda's three rules will be helpful for me, for sure.  I think I need to add one more to say to myself.  "No.   Listen.  You don't need to say anything right now."

I believe that embarking on my own Year of Yes will help me to become more thoughtful and reflective in my work, and help me to work with colleagues more effectively.  Research has shown  that the biggest indicator of student success is teacher efficacy.  If I can increase my own efficacy, it will help me work with other educators in a deeper way, which will in turn, help us to serve the children we teach.

Two quotes from Shonda sum up the power of this mantra.

"The Year of Yes, I realize, has become a snowball rolling down a hill. Each yes rolls into the next into the next and the snowball is growing and growing and growing. Every yes changes something in me. Every yes is a bit more transformative. Every yes sparks some new phase of evolution."

and

“Standing around like Wonder Woman in the morning can make people think you are more amazing at lunchtime.”

The Year of Yes is important for me, because helping myself  to have courage, and to feel powerful, will allow me to help my students to feel the same way.  A worthy goal -  after all,  they're all our kids.